Hello October! Fall has hit and we’re even beginning to feel a chill in the air. Festivals are popping up every weekend and fun times are just waiting to be had. Except you & your spouse are finding yourselves having the same arguments, same dinner plans & there’s nothing exciting going on inside your marriage. Keeping a marriage interesting and engaging is hard work, sometimes making it feel exciting seems impossible. Many couples that I see in my practice are seeking out ways to reconnect and not let the stress of day to day build up and cause distance between them.
Below are a few of my favorite tips for those of you who are in a tired marriage that just isn’t much fun. I hope you & your spouse try them out & enjoy them!
Couples Therapy
– Each spouse chooses one evening a week/month to be responsible for creating a sexual experience of their choice to lead. By giving each spouse a designated night they can plan and also build up anticipation for their spouse by sending flirty texts, leaving little notes giving hints or whispering into their ear of what is to come. This type of foreplay really draws the couple together by creating excitement towards being together.
– Be mindful of changing the subject when the topic becomes overdone into one about something the couple can look forward to doing together. No need to share your frustration for 15 minutes that the copier at your office wouldn’t print or how your friend’s garden looks better than yours. When you notice that you or your spouse is going on a rant over something out of your control, switch it up and tell them how excited you are to be close with them in bed or about the dinner plans out you have this weekend. Or throw a curve ball and share a fantasy that you want to play out with them!
– Get involved in an activity in your community. Taking couples yoga, joining an intramural sports team or joining a meet up club that hikes are all great ways to have social things to do together that you can look forward to. It’ll feel great exercising together and you’ll love watching your spouse in action.
-Stay in bed together on a Saturday morning (schedule sleepovers for your kids!) Taking time to linger in bed together in the morning light can be just dreamy- allow yourself to lay in each other’s arms with coffee or mimosas on hand. You might even decide that morning sex is the perfect way to start your weekend!
I hope you’ve enjoyed these quick little tips on how to combat marriage fatigue & keep it sexy! Improving your marriage doesn’t have to be drastic. Taking time to connect each day and recognizing the little moments when you can spark excitement can go a long way. If you would like to learn more about how to improve your marriage through therapy please feel free to reach out to me, I’d love to help.
I am a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist practicing in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina. I enjoy working with people on improving their lives, relationships and feeling all around more mentally healthy.
Michelle A Coomes MA, LMFT 704-237-0814
I know of a couple that keeps separate notebooks in which they keep a sort of “desire” bucket list of sexual experiences they would like to have the other give consideration to for the future. Even if they don’t get around to all of them or consulting the books on a regular basis, it helps to keep their libidos primed with a sexual focus on their spouse.
Thanks for contnibutirg. It’s helped me understand the issues.